my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
