i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
