If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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