I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
