I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
