my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
