I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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