just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
