Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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