i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
