Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i think my cat just said my name.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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