A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
