i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
vagina is talking i cant
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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