Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
