You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
