So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
