obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
