Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
