I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
