You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
