He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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