Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
