You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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