just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
