I just cut my nipple shaving
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
