girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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