If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
