My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
