used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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