yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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