wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
