Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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