this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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