You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
