I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
