If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize