So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
