first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
