Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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