I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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