idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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