i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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