how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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