we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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