Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
