You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
