My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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