and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
