we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
