I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
