Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
