Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
