dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
