CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
