I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
