what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
