Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
birth control should be required to get into college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
