i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
