I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
