I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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