You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
