okay pat passed out under dana's car
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
