$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
