my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
