Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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