Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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