I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
