If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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