Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He shit in the fireplace
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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