Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
