Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
should my penis look like a turkey
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
