Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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