You're completely useless in the revolution.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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