1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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