Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
